Surely you have heard that what stands between you and your goals is nothing more than your decision to reach them. If you know the above, surely today you are wondering why you are not where you should or where you would like. To answer that question I'm going to introduce you to another enemy of your dreams: approval, specifically, seeking it in others.
There are two types of beliefs, those that are absolute (fire burns and water wets are examples) and those that are relative (the subjective reality that each person builds), they are not natural, they do not come by default in you, they are created from your cultural landscape, from what you have as reality. This limiting belief that you will meet today will allow you to review, in introspection, whether you work for your dreams or those of someone else, whether you have made decisions -one, or many- for yourself or for others.
Approval, and to be more specific, the search for approval of your decisions by and for others leads you to generate certain needs, fears and self-imposed demands. The needs will have the following colors: acceptance and belonging, usually as part of a group: "I must be X or Y or Z for --- Group, person, society to accept me."Therefore, many of your decisions are not really yours, but the group or person you are looking for acceptance, which can be friends, co-workers, romantic partner, family, etc.
The greatest fears that are generated in this belief are fear of judgment and rejection, especially coming from the part from which approval is sought. At this point specifically it is worth noting that it is for that same fear that we move or act: "if I do not do or do X or y or Z, what will he think or say about me?". From this question and the statement in the previous paragraph develop actions and thoughts, which quite possibly are not in line with what you really want for yourself and your future.
These needs and fears result in the following symptoms: unrealistic expectations of the person (you), a lot of importance to what 'the other' says, popularity determines the value of the subject. Result of these symptoms, consequences: depression, anxiety, low confidence and low self-esteem. As if the above were not enough, there are also consequences in the behavior: shyness or fear to make the 'ridiculous' and therefore avoid taking risks, procrastinate for fear of failure, be little assertive with decisions (because of fear of “what will they say?”).
"Remember that you can not fail to be yourself."
Wayne Dyer
This scenario is the one that comes when we believe and live from external approval. The best thing about this is that you are in control of it, as well as the relative beliefs you have. So getting out of this complacency, that endless search for approval, is in your hands.
If this is your case, allow me to help you regain power over your decisions, projects and plans.Those that you have changed for 'the other': You are a person full of value, simply being you, your authentic you, the approval of others is not even an added value, because the only one you should seek is the one that you find inside you and through what you are and want to be, not for that other person or group, but for you.
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